I smell stomach acid.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I want a musical about memes.
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