Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
