everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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