U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
