For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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