i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
