He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
