pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
