Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
