Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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