I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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