smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
