Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
