this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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