I'm passing your future prison.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
