you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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