She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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