i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
