How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
