Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
