I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
