Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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