what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
well you can't waste a boner
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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