It's Friday. Sex?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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