I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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