I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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