i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
where are my eyebrows?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
