The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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