Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
