I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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