Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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