he referred to my room as the tit cave...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
A bitchslap is in order.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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