Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
