I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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