He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
