What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
