You're a womanizer and a bitch.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
