Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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