She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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