i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Green mimosas i think yes
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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