I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
