I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
