Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
