Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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