i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
