I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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