I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
