I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
