You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
