He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
